I've never been skeptical, nor suspicious about anything. In fact I tend to view life as it comes and not over analyze why you are dealt the cards you get. I believe it comes from my understanding of myself and what God has instilled in me as His creation. Faith in believing. Believing in the word of God. I believe in myself, my abilities and limits. You won't find me seeking out multiple ways to reap "good luck" rewards, so my deck is stacked for the best hand. I can't even imagine what it would be like to constantly rely on a 1 in a million strategy to life. You won't find me using one particular pair of socks I run a race in, or certain named golf balls that "give" me an edge to my golf game. Certainly there is no truth in the success of disciplining my children, equally, and getting the same result. I can't imagine ONLY using one kind of detergent to wash my clothes in and calling that "The Gospel according to Tide". Therefore I can't imagine gambling on a game of uncertainties that lead to so much disappointment. Zero desire. So Vegas is out for me!
Growing up in high school, I remember when as a young, seeking, and discovering individual, many of my friends were in to crystals, Ouija boards, Tarot cards and horoscopes. I dabbled in the horoscopes, but found them to be so general and limited in their advice and direction. I could not fathom how "the board" could have the power to direct messages to me, much less that someone could understand or relate to. Seems a bit cookoo to me. The whole thing with crystals and seance's were rather stretching in my mind. And rightfully so, here is where I was skeptical. Calling up the dead, by holding hands in a circle with a bunch of candles and the lights turned out. I'm sorry, I just don't get it. My direction kept going back to what I had initially been taught. God's word. Simple, straightforward, direction and guidance to my life. No doubt it's simplicity is what I was attracted to. The other aspect of this seems to be reflective in the lack of fear, simplicity in it's rawest form. I believe, however, that there are spiritual, heavenly beings in an all out war, as I write. I do not doubt for a minute that Satan or the Devil, is at the forefront of these battles. I have experienced them many times in my life. I can recall fearful moments in my late teens, early 20's, that gripped me at times. I've had moments in my late 20's and 30's that will forever remind me of what I do not want to become. But most of my fear was introduced by dramatic representations, like a movie. I still found that it was not in my realm of understanding to succumb to this fear. Punch thru and keep seeking for the truth and understanding of it all.
Jump to modern day and I can give you various instances of skepticism, limited, but real and overcoming. God continues to put individuals in my life that challenge me daily with this aspect of life. My husband, my best friend, coworkers, even mere acquaintances. Each of these examples, drive me to seek real truth and knowledge of what I know. I mean, they literally challenge me to discover ways to prove that their fear is gripping them and holding them back from living life.Who do I put my trust in to understand this challenge? My automatic response is, God. My first example, is and always has been, my biggest challenge to date. So much invested, and yet the truth seems to be screaming in my face. Lack of trust. Now, what do you do with that one? It ruins any relationship you have and creates torment and destruction. Is it rebuildable? I mean, let me be a devils advocate for a moment. You built a wall, so now it can be torn down at any moment, right? But, what if for times sake, you don't have the tools to do this, then what is your solution? What if the tools you have for the job, create even more barriers and obstacles to an already simple solution? In a sense, to muck it up!
One aspect of trust that I contemplate, is how can you build trust on a foundation that has been uneven, battered and eroding for many years? No matter what resources you have, you must always have a firm foundation to establish that trust in. Suspicion, skepticism, fear, and doubt, give you a life full of empty promises. Over and over, your expectations of what the "outcome" may be, all positive and self gratifying, ironically, become the mastermind behind your drive. A dreamer of a different kind. A dream of unrealistic expectations. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy dreaming. You know, like what would I do with the millions I would win from the lottery. Where would I disperse it? Who would benefit from my lucky moment? Would that drive me to want more? Oh and then I would ONLY frequent the gas station I purchased my winning ticket from, wearing the same clothes each time I purchased a ticket, at the same time each day, using the SAME numbers and oh how much gas was in my tank at that time? Before I know it, my luck has driven my life to a point of craziness and sheer chaos. Luck or coincidence? AGH, It's maddening trying to keep all of it straight. "The truth will set you free", That's plain and simple. No dabbling in scenarios of grandiosity. Just believing the truth.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Inspiration in weeds
This morning comes as an unexpected blessing. During this time I've had off from my normal routine, I've really enjoyed having a change of pace and sitting still. Of course then my mind races with all the things I can do to fill that void. As if it's not enough to just stay still, content or be satisfied with the moment, I've gotta go, go, go. With this much energy, I find myself looking for things to do, projects to complete, tasks to finish or goals to meet. I think that with being indoors, I find that unfinished business piling up and it becomes overwhelming to me. So my automatic response is to do something about it. I'm a doer....not a follower. I want to see results and big things happen. Sometimes to my disappointment, they don't happen as quickly as I would like. Yes, am I impatient, very! But to my defense, I just want to get it done.
During the warm months, my quiet time is spent being outdoors in my yard. Typically I'm looking for an edge to be sharpened in my flower beds, finding weeds-yes it's a sick obsession for us Murphy's, but flowers or shrubs are asking to be pruned. I will move some mulch around just to be out in my yard. If I feel so inspired, which happens frequently, I will venture over to the neighbors and do some too. I use this time to pray, think, talk to God, or even dare I say it, enjoy some good ol' vitamin D. I like it, I'm not gonna lie. The weeding part has always been a joy to me. I can't just go out and look at my flowers and enjoy the fruit of my hard work, I need to find weeds. It's very therapeutic for me! Right now you are probably thinking, what person in their right mind likes WEEDS?????? Well, me for one. I could list several more who have this sickness to eliminate those pesky critters from the beauty of God's creation. Some would argue that God made weeds too, but I beg to look at it differently. The more weeds the BETTER! There is something about taking the "Yuck" out and seeing the beauty in it all. I mean, we all do this in our own way. I choose to use weeds as my yuck method, if you will.
My family has always been obsessed with weeding and cleaning up yards and stuff. Even my grandparents are victims of this disease! Ha So it's generational. For example, my dad loves to cut down trees and burn things, my mom loves planting flowers of all kinds, my sister loves to mow and my brother loves to dig and plant gardens. Maybe our calling should have been in the landscaping business.....ok, maybe not. Just a thought. I can't go by a house or piece of land without looking at it's potential! I mean, I contemplate where I would need to start and with what tools I would need to get the job done. I can totally visualize the end result. My heart races and my mind starts spinning with ideas. What bush would look good there? What flower combinations would be ideal for that area? i wonder what kind of sun this area gets. Oh and if that's not enough, I even go so far as to think about the edging......scalloped and flowing edges or straight lines? That motivates me even more and then it's a matter of holding me back from just doing it-even if I don't have the land owners permission. But I have to. There are laws out there because someone, like me decided the laws didn't apply to him. I have will power to not divulge this desire and instead think of a ways I can put that energy to use. I see it needs to be done and I do it!
This drives me in such a way that carries over into the rest of my life. I see the mess and I want to get it out. fine tune my character and heart to a purer, more cleaner version. I don't like to be bogged down with those strong holds. Often times the clutter is what gets in the way of us living the life God has laid out for us. Filling it with baggage from the past, hurts and offenses, bitterness, resentment, fear and rejection. Those are some of the "weeds" I pull out of my garden, ALOT! Some are not as cumbersome as others. You know, you can find just about any type of weed killer out there. some people have great remedies and elixirs to solve any weed problem. My weed killer of choice is to just pull it out. Bye, Bye. God never promised the problem would go away, but He did promise that the life we live now will no longer be when we are in heaven. Cool. Now that's some awesome potential! That's what God sees in us. Awesome potential! Wouldn't it be great if everyone saw that worth in you? Us? I'd like to think that He wants us to get all the weeds out of our lives that are keeping us from being His servant. Joy in embracing God's plan and potential we are equipped with.
I enjoy discovering how that is interpreted in my life. Being still and quiet to be shown where I need to allow God to do some landscaping. Often times, that is such a scary place to be much less laying it all out there. I don't know of anyone who enjoys being vulnerable. I can say that I have not been disappointed in the end result, since it's much better than it was before. I mean He doesn't put us thru these difficult and trying times for nothing. Seeing how we can use this experience or whatever it may be, to his glory. How do you argue with that one? So it drives me to be more of a doer than a follower and see what potential for greatness is out there. I will continue to pick these weeds however I need to get them out, be it Roundup, shovel, split head tool, or a granule or powder I use with a broadcast spreader. How does your landscape look right now? Is your property in need of some attention? It may be covered in snow right now, but the Spring is coming and it will be time to clear out those weeds......all I have to say is get out there and start picking!
During the warm months, my quiet time is spent being outdoors in my yard. Typically I'm looking for an edge to be sharpened in my flower beds, finding weeds-yes it's a sick obsession for us Murphy's, but flowers or shrubs are asking to be pruned. I will move some mulch around just to be out in my yard. If I feel so inspired, which happens frequently, I will venture over to the neighbors and do some too. I use this time to pray, think, talk to God, or even dare I say it, enjoy some good ol' vitamin D. I like it, I'm not gonna lie. The weeding part has always been a joy to me. I can't just go out and look at my flowers and enjoy the fruit of my hard work, I need to find weeds. It's very therapeutic for me! Right now you are probably thinking, what person in their right mind likes WEEDS?????? Well, me for one. I could list several more who have this sickness to eliminate those pesky critters from the beauty of God's creation. Some would argue that God made weeds too, but I beg to look at it differently. The more weeds the BETTER! There is something about taking the "Yuck" out and seeing the beauty in it all. I mean, we all do this in our own way. I choose to use weeds as my yuck method, if you will.
My family has always been obsessed with weeding and cleaning up yards and stuff. Even my grandparents are victims of this disease! Ha So it's generational. For example, my dad loves to cut down trees and burn things, my mom loves planting flowers of all kinds, my sister loves to mow and my brother loves to dig and plant gardens. Maybe our calling should have been in the landscaping business.....ok, maybe not. Just a thought. I can't go by a house or piece of land without looking at it's potential! I mean, I contemplate where I would need to start and with what tools I would need to get the job done. I can totally visualize the end result. My heart races and my mind starts spinning with ideas. What bush would look good there? What flower combinations would be ideal for that area? i wonder what kind of sun this area gets. Oh and if that's not enough, I even go so far as to think about the edging......scalloped and flowing edges or straight lines? That motivates me even more and then it's a matter of holding me back from just doing it-even if I don't have the land owners permission. But I have to. There are laws out there because someone, like me decided the laws didn't apply to him. I have will power to not divulge this desire and instead think of a ways I can put that energy to use. I see it needs to be done and I do it!
This drives me in such a way that carries over into the rest of my life. I see the mess and I want to get it out. fine tune my character and heart to a purer, more cleaner version. I don't like to be bogged down with those strong holds. Often times the clutter is what gets in the way of us living the life God has laid out for us. Filling it with baggage from the past, hurts and offenses, bitterness, resentment, fear and rejection. Those are some of the "weeds" I pull out of my garden, ALOT! Some are not as cumbersome as others. You know, you can find just about any type of weed killer out there. some people have great remedies and elixirs to solve any weed problem. My weed killer of choice is to just pull it out. Bye, Bye. God never promised the problem would go away, but He did promise that the life we live now will no longer be when we are in heaven. Cool. Now that's some awesome potential! That's what God sees in us. Awesome potential! Wouldn't it be great if everyone saw that worth in you? Us? I'd like to think that He wants us to get all the weeds out of our lives that are keeping us from being His servant. Joy in embracing God's plan and potential we are equipped with.
I enjoy discovering how that is interpreted in my life. Being still and quiet to be shown where I need to allow God to do some landscaping. Often times, that is such a scary place to be much less laying it all out there. I don't know of anyone who enjoys being vulnerable. I can say that I have not been disappointed in the end result, since it's much better than it was before. I mean He doesn't put us thru these difficult and trying times for nothing. Seeing how we can use this experience or whatever it may be, to his glory. How do you argue with that one? So it drives me to be more of a doer than a follower and see what potential for greatness is out there. I will continue to pick these weeds however I need to get them out, be it Roundup, shovel, split head tool, or a granule or powder I use with a broadcast spreader. How does your landscape look right now? Is your property in need of some attention? It may be covered in snow right now, but the Spring is coming and it will be time to clear out those weeds......all I have to say is get out there and start picking!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Dancing with opposition
My mind is a bit scattered today. My youngest, Grey, had his preschool conference today. Unfortunately I was unable to attend, due to recent surgeries I've had and another sick child. So I wait at home anticipating my husband's phone call with the lurking good or bad news that may be presented. Of course, like usual, the teacher starts out with all the positives, to boost you up and make you feel like you have the sweetest kid in the world, blah, blah, blah. Then, the realness of why you have these conferences comes out. So he's showing signs of defiance and stubbornness. (Great!) In his case, this rears it's ugly head when they are learning how to do their letters or working on cutting projects. The mindset of not knowing how to do something when told, even though you've done it repeatedly, baffles me. I see it as a form of manipulation and and unwillingness to want to learn. I don't think I'm biased when I say they are smarter than that excuse. Maybe it's a boy thing, or a middle child or in this case, youngest child thing. Not really sure that's a valid reason for the behavior and I still ask "will you try it or won't you?".
I've struggled with my middle child, Briggs and his short fused temper for some time. I'm constantly teaching and showing him ways to manage his anger, frustration and disappointment in every day tasks. He's a bit more dramatic and tends to over exaggerate the situation to his benefit. He needs more of that one on one pep talk type love. He can quickly spiral into a tailspin of negative emotions, that I have no compassion for. That wallowing in self pity and regret gets under my skin. I don't recall that opposition has ever stopped me from pursuing my dreams, goals or following thru with my ideas. I've always found a way to make it happen-even if it took me much longer than I expected. I can say that I have found many excuses to avoid facing the inevitable, merely to keep from being disappointed. That's a natural behavioral response, but is it a way to enable or encourage our fear of failure?
These days, my encounters with opposition come in the form of defiant behavior from my kids, or disagreements with my husband on various issues to social and moral issues with family and friends. I seek to discover what the difference is between opposition and disagreement and if there is any real difference between the two. Some may argue that they are one in the same, while others could provide multiple facets to the two that clearly define them as different. Tomato, Tomatoe? In trying to seek a solid answer to my question, I will spend time writing or searching the Bible for words or verses that speak to me. Many times in my pursuit of these answers I turn to worship songs and many express EXACTLY how I'm feeling. I feel lifted up and "spoken to" when I read or hear those words. I want to be open to whatever God might be saying to me-in any form. Those moments seem to be so precious and fleeting at times. I do a self check to see if my mind is clear from outside influences so as not to mask what I am hearing. I'm often jerked back to reality when I encounter a situation of doubt. Did I hear that person correctly? Did I somehow mix up the message? Did I express mine or my children's needs clearly? AGH! It's maddening!
Satan knows these are our weaknesses and uses them to his benefit. I know I have agreed with the lies he tells me, because I have fallen into his trap more times than not. For me, this also affects my mental capacity. I just get to a point and say "STOP!" The dance of opposition is actually one that many of us choose to partner with. Many times it will start out as a slow Viennese Waltz, then quickly turn into a sultry Tango or Paso Doble with it's sharp, precise movements. Throw in a few Cha Cha's or a Fox Trot to turn up the volume and our crescendo comes by ending the dance with our hand proudly in the air or gently bowing to the floor. How do you dance with opposition? Will you partner with God as He bends, turns and leads you around the dance floor of life?
I've struggled with my middle child, Briggs and his short fused temper for some time. I'm constantly teaching and showing him ways to manage his anger, frustration and disappointment in every day tasks. He's a bit more dramatic and tends to over exaggerate the situation to his benefit. He needs more of that one on one pep talk type love. He can quickly spiral into a tailspin of negative emotions, that I have no compassion for. That wallowing in self pity and regret gets under my skin. I don't recall that opposition has ever stopped me from pursuing my dreams, goals or following thru with my ideas. I've always found a way to make it happen-even if it took me much longer than I expected. I can say that I have found many excuses to avoid facing the inevitable, merely to keep from being disappointed. That's a natural behavioral response, but is it a way to enable or encourage our fear of failure?
These days, my encounters with opposition come in the form of defiant behavior from my kids, or disagreements with my husband on various issues to social and moral issues with family and friends. I seek to discover what the difference is between opposition and disagreement and if there is any real difference between the two. Some may argue that they are one in the same, while others could provide multiple facets to the two that clearly define them as different. Tomato, Tomatoe? In trying to seek a solid answer to my question, I will spend time writing or searching the Bible for words or verses that speak to me. Many times in my pursuit of these answers I turn to worship songs and many express EXACTLY how I'm feeling. I feel lifted up and "spoken to" when I read or hear those words. I want to be open to whatever God might be saying to me-in any form. Those moments seem to be so precious and fleeting at times. I do a self check to see if my mind is clear from outside influences so as not to mask what I am hearing. I'm often jerked back to reality when I encounter a situation of doubt. Did I hear that person correctly? Did I somehow mix up the message? Did I express mine or my children's needs clearly? AGH! It's maddening!
Satan knows these are our weaknesses and uses them to his benefit. I know I have agreed with the lies he tells me, because I have fallen into his trap more times than not. For me, this also affects my mental capacity. I just get to a point and say "STOP!" The dance of opposition is actually one that many of us choose to partner with. Many times it will start out as a slow Viennese Waltz, then quickly turn into a sultry Tango or Paso Doble with it's sharp, precise movements. Throw in a few Cha Cha's or a Fox Trot to turn up the volume and our crescendo comes by ending the dance with our hand proudly in the air or gently bowing to the floor. How do you dance with opposition? Will you partner with God as He bends, turns and leads you around the dance floor of life?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Deep thoughts
I've often contemplated writing a blog, but never felt I had much content to share. After reading my dad's blogs, I'm finding that the story telling, if you will, opens up for so much thought and dialog. This is where I find I seek for "deep thoughts" as SNL's Jack Handy would write, but with more substance. I've always been a deep thinker or dreamer. To my dismay, I've encountered many who can only carry on a surface relationship. That's the substance I can honestly say I have no time for. I've often been criticized for having this unrealistic expectation, but I'm reminded of circumstances that have gone against this mind set and it propels me forward in my pursuit.
My original idea for writing a blog came while I was at church this past Sunday. The church we attend is a CM&A here in Toledo, where we have been members since 1997. One of our Outreach pastors spoke about "Serving the World like Jesus", which is part of a series called "Live the Dream". The main thing I came away from that sermon was "How do I(you) have a heart like Jesus?" As a christian, this is always in the back of my mind and wondering how does this play out for me, day to day. Along with this series, our church has been focusing on being the church in the streets for the past year. If we who have a relationship with Christ and profess this, what are we doing to be an Act 1:8 church ...."But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."When I personalize this (as I often find myself doing), I ask "how can I be a Acts 1:8 Christian?"
So, I start to contemplate the numerous ideas and ways this can be applied in my life. Reaching out to my neighbors, co-workers, non-christian friends as well as being an example to my husband and children-daily! And for me, that latter is not my forte. As a wife/woman, I desire to have a Christ following husband who wants to lead our household-willingly and not to get in his way. But unfortunately, God did not allow for that "wish" to come true. So taking on the role as a Christ leader in our home is so unfamiliar to me and at times I feel cheated at having to take over this role. You see, when I met my husband, he was not a true believer. HE had been raised Mennonite, like me and often times he admitted reluctantly went to church. He all but stopped going after he went to college, until he met me. I will go in to some more background at another time, but let's just say it's been a VERY tough road to follow-many times on my own.
Many times the bitterness and resentment has shown it's gnarly head in the way and asked the question "why is it my responsibility to be Jesus in his and my children's lives?" That's not my job or role or position. By seeking His will for my life, He has revealed to me over and over that I may be the only Jesus they experience in their life time. Oh and this does not just affect them, but it seems to encompass any of my relationships. Especially the harder one such as my in-laws, or my co-worker who can drop an F bomb at least 3 times in one sentence. Yea, the latter seems like the obvious one, right??? But having a heart like Jesus calls us to Sacrifice, show Servanthood, Obedience to God's word and show Love. So then what is MY role in all of this? Knowing me, I will have to dissect these charges one by one and apply them to my every day living.
Where do I continue to find strength to sacrifice my desires for reaching out? How do I serve others the way Christ would? How can I obey His word, if ones I love do not support my path? And finally, do I really need to show love to someone who constantly belittles me and doubts my intentions-even if is God directed? I am still learning how to just "Be Still". What about you? Do you need to "Be Still" and be shown how to have a heart like Jesus or push the envelope?
My original idea for writing a blog came while I was at church this past Sunday. The church we attend is a CM&A here in Toledo, where we have been members since 1997. One of our Outreach pastors spoke about "Serving the World like Jesus", which is part of a series called "Live the Dream". The main thing I came away from that sermon was "How do I(you) have a heart like Jesus?" As a christian, this is always in the back of my mind and wondering how does this play out for me, day to day. Along with this series, our church has been focusing on being the church in the streets for the past year. If we who have a relationship with Christ and profess this, what are we doing to be an Act 1:8 church ...."But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."When I personalize this (as I often find myself doing), I ask "how can I be a Acts 1:8 Christian?"
So, I start to contemplate the numerous ideas and ways this can be applied in my life. Reaching out to my neighbors, co-workers, non-christian friends as well as being an example to my husband and children-daily! And for me, that latter is not my forte. As a wife/woman, I desire to have a Christ following husband who wants to lead our household-willingly and not to get in his way. But unfortunately, God did not allow for that "wish" to come true. So taking on the role as a Christ leader in our home is so unfamiliar to me and at times I feel cheated at having to take over this role. You see, when I met my husband, he was not a true believer. HE had been raised Mennonite, like me and often times he admitted reluctantly went to church. He all but stopped going after he went to college, until he met me. I will go in to some more background at another time, but let's just say it's been a VERY tough road to follow-many times on my own.
Many times the bitterness and resentment has shown it's gnarly head in the way and asked the question "why is it my responsibility to be Jesus in his and my children's lives?" That's not my job or role or position. By seeking His will for my life, He has revealed to me over and over that I may be the only Jesus they experience in their life time. Oh and this does not just affect them, but it seems to encompass any of my relationships. Especially the harder one such as my in-laws, or my co-worker who can drop an F bomb at least 3 times in one sentence. Yea, the latter seems like the obvious one, right??? But having a heart like Jesus calls us to Sacrifice, show Servanthood, Obedience to God's word and show Love. So then what is MY role in all of this? Knowing me, I will have to dissect these charges one by one and apply them to my every day living.
Where do I continue to find strength to sacrifice my desires for reaching out? How do I serve others the way Christ would? How can I obey His word, if ones I love do not support my path? And finally, do I really need to show love to someone who constantly belittles me and doubts my intentions-even if is God directed? I am still learning how to just "Be Still". What about you? Do you need to "Be Still" and be shown how to have a heart like Jesus or push the envelope?
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