Dancing with opposition

My mind is a bit scattered today. My youngest, Grey, had his preschool conference today. Unfortunately I was unable to attend, due to recent surgeries I've had and another sick child. So I wait at home anticipating my husband's phone call with the lurking good or bad news that may be presented. Of course, like usual, the teacher starts out with all the positives, to boost you up and make you feel like you have the sweetest kid in the world, blah, blah, blah. Then, the realness of why you have these conferences comes out. So he's showing signs of defiance and stubbornness. (Great!) In his case, this rears it's ugly head when they are learning how to do their letters or working on cutting projects. The mindset of not knowing how to do something when told, even though you've done it repeatedly, baffles me. I see it as a form of manipulation and and unwillingness to want to learn. I don't think I'm biased when I say they are smarter than that excuse. Maybe it's a boy thing, or a middle child or in this case, youngest child thing. Not really sure that's a valid reason for the behavior and I still ask "will you try it or won't you?".

I've struggled with my middle child, Briggs and his short fused temper for some time. I'm constantly teaching and showing him ways to manage his anger, frustration and disappointment in every day tasks. He's a bit more dramatic and tends to over exaggerate the situation to his benefit. He needs more of that one on one pep talk type love. He can quickly spiral into a tailspin of negative emotions, that I have no compassion for. That wallowing in self pity and regret gets under my skin. I don't recall that opposition has ever stopped me from pursuing my dreams, goals or following thru with my ideas. I've always found a way to make it happen-even if it took me much longer than I expected. I can say that I have found many excuses to avoid facing the inevitable, merely to keep from being disappointed. That's a natural behavioral response, but is it a way to enable or encourage our fear of failure?

These days, my encounters with opposition come in the form of defiant behavior from my kids, or disagreements with my husband on various issues to social and moral issues with family and friends. I seek to discover what the difference is between opposition and disagreement and if there is any real difference between the two. Some may argue that they are one in the same, while others could provide multiple facets to the two that clearly define them as different. Tomato, Tomatoe? In trying to seek a solid answer to my question, I will spend time writing or searching the Bible for words or verses that speak to me. Many times in my pursuit of these answers I turn to worship songs and many express EXACTLY how I'm feeling. I feel lifted up and "spoken to" when I read or hear those words. I want to be open to whatever God might be saying to me-in any form. Those moments seem to be so precious and fleeting at times. I do a self check to see if my mind is clear from outside influences so as not to mask what I am hearing. I'm often jerked back to reality when I encounter a situation of doubt. Did I hear that person correctly? Did I somehow mix up the message? Did I express mine or my children's needs clearly? AGH! It's maddening!

Satan knows these are our weaknesses and uses them to his benefit. I know I have agreed with the lies he tells me, because I have fallen into his trap more times than not. For me, this also affects my mental capacity. I just get to a point and say "STOP!" The dance of opposition is actually one that many of us choose to partner with. Many times it will start out as a slow Viennese Waltz, then quickly turn into a sultry Tango or Paso Doble with it's sharp, precise movements. Throw in a few Cha Cha's or a Fox Trot to turn up the volume and our crescendo comes by ending the dance with our hand proudly in the air or gently bowing to the floor.  How do you dance with opposition? Will you partner with God as He bends, turns and leads you around the dance floor of life?

Deep thoughts

I've often contemplated writing a blog, but never felt I had much content to share. After reading my dad's blogs, I'm finding that the story telling, if you will, opens up for so much thought and dialog. This is where I find I seek for "deep thoughts" as SNL's Jack Handy would write, but with more substance. I've always been a deep thinker or dreamer. To my dismay, I've encountered many who can only carry on a surface relationship. That's the substance I can honestly say I have no time for. I've often been criticized for having this unrealistic expectation, but I'm reminded of circumstances that have gone against this mind set and it propels me forward in my pursuit.

My original idea for writing a blog came while I was at church this past Sunday. The church we attend is a CM&A here in Toledo, where we have been members since 1997. One of our Outreach pastors spoke about "Serving the World like Jesus", which is part of a series called "Live the Dream". The main thing I came away from that sermon was "How do I(you) have a heart like Jesus?" As a christian, this is always in the back of my mind and wondering how does this play out for me, day to day. Along with this series, our church has been focusing on being the church in the streets for the past year. If we who have a relationship with Christ and profess this, what are we doing to  be an Act 1:8 church ...."But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."When I personalize this (as I often find myself doing), I ask "how can I be a Acts 1:8 Christian?"

So, I start to contemplate the numerous ideas and ways this can be applied in my life. Reaching out to my neighbors, co-workers, non-christian friends as well as being an example to my husband and children-daily! And for me, that latter is not my forte. As a wife/woman, I desire to have a Christ following husband who wants to lead our household-willingly and not to get in his way. But unfortunately, God did not allow for that "wish" to come true. So taking on the role as a Christ leader in our home is so unfamiliar to me and at times I feel cheated at having to take over this role. You see, when I met my husband, he was not a true believer. HE had been raised Mennonite, like me and often times he admitted reluctantly went to church. He all but stopped going after he went to college, until he met me. I will go in to some more background at another time, but let's just say it's been a VERY tough road to follow-many times on my own.

Many times the bitterness and resentment has shown it's gnarly head in the way and asked the question "why is it my responsibility to be Jesus in his and my children's lives?" That's not my job or role or position. By seeking His will for my life, He has revealed to me over and over that I may be the only Jesus they experience in their life time. Oh and this does not just affect them, but it seems to encompass any of my relationships. Especially the harder one such as my in-laws, or my co-worker who can drop an F bomb at least 3 times in one sentence. Yea, the latter seems like the obvious one, right??? But having a heart like Jesus calls us to Sacrifice, show Servanthood, Obedience to God's word and show Love. So then what is MY role in all of this? Knowing me, I will have to dissect these charges one by one and apply them to my every day living.

Where do I continue to find strength to sacrifice my desires for reaching out? How do I serve others the way Christ would? How can I obey His word, if ones I love do not support my path? And finally, do I really need to show love to someone who constantly belittles me and doubts my intentions-even if is God directed? I am still learning how to just "Be Still". What about you? Do you need to "Be Still" and be shown how to have a heart like Jesus or push the envelope?