Deep thoughts

I've often contemplated writing a blog, but never felt I had much content to share. After reading my dad's blogs, I'm finding that the story telling, if you will, opens up for so much thought and dialog. This is where I find I seek for "deep thoughts" as SNL's Jack Handy would write, but with more substance. I've always been a deep thinker or dreamer. To my dismay, I've encountered many who can only carry on a surface relationship. That's the substance I can honestly say I have no time for. I've often been criticized for having this unrealistic expectation, but I'm reminded of circumstances that have gone against this mind set and it propels me forward in my pursuit.

My original idea for writing a blog came while I was at church this past Sunday. The church we attend is a CM&A here in Toledo, where we have been members since 1997. One of our Outreach pastors spoke about "Serving the World like Jesus", which is part of a series called "Live the Dream". The main thing I came away from that sermon was "How do I(you) have a heart like Jesus?" As a christian, this is always in the back of my mind and wondering how does this play out for me, day to day. Along with this series, our church has been focusing on being the church in the streets for the past year. If we who have a relationship with Christ and profess this, what are we doing to  be an Act 1:8 church ...."But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."When I personalize this (as I often find myself doing), I ask "how can I be a Acts 1:8 Christian?"

So, I start to contemplate the numerous ideas and ways this can be applied in my life. Reaching out to my neighbors, co-workers, non-christian friends as well as being an example to my husband and children-daily! And for me, that latter is not my forte. As a wife/woman, I desire to have a Christ following husband who wants to lead our household-willingly and not to get in his way. But unfortunately, God did not allow for that "wish" to come true. So taking on the role as a Christ leader in our home is so unfamiliar to me and at times I feel cheated at having to take over this role. You see, when I met my husband, he was not a true believer. HE had been raised Mennonite, like me and often times he admitted reluctantly went to church. He all but stopped going after he went to college, until he met me. I will go in to some more background at another time, but let's just say it's been a VERY tough road to follow-many times on my own.

Many times the bitterness and resentment has shown it's gnarly head in the way and asked the question "why is it my responsibility to be Jesus in his and my children's lives?" That's not my job or role or position. By seeking His will for my life, He has revealed to me over and over that I may be the only Jesus they experience in their life time. Oh and this does not just affect them, but it seems to encompass any of my relationships. Especially the harder one such as my in-laws, or my co-worker who can drop an F bomb at least 3 times in one sentence. Yea, the latter seems like the obvious one, right??? But having a heart like Jesus calls us to Sacrifice, show Servanthood, Obedience to God's word and show Love. So then what is MY role in all of this? Knowing me, I will have to dissect these charges one by one and apply them to my every day living.

Where do I continue to find strength to sacrifice my desires for reaching out? How do I serve others the way Christ would? How can I obey His word, if ones I love do not support my path? And finally, do I really need to show love to someone who constantly belittles me and doubts my intentions-even if is God directed? I am still learning how to just "Be Still". What about you? Do you need to "Be Still" and be shown how to have a heart like Jesus or push the envelope?